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Author Topic: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread  (Read 13510 times)

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Offline Mysteriousdeer

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #930 on: June 18, 2017, 08:54:54 AM »
Woman, work, and whats next is what keep me crackin.
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I'll never let go, Deerhead-sensei.
>mfw deerhead-sensei looks like a sensei now
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All I know is every time I see your magnificent rack I get a little wet. 


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Offline Hekter

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #931 on: June 18, 2017, 02:07:05 PM »
Goddammit, Syrup, I felt my loneliness become almost physical with that post. I seriously still feel queasy as I am trying to keep my lunch down.

On that note, I read The Three-Body Problem yesterday. First book I've read in a long while, and while there are some definite rough edges, I really enjoyed it. Really reminded me what good Sci-Fi is all about, mixed with a lot of background of the Cultural Revolution in China. I am debating whether I want to go back to my local bookstore and pick up the other two, or get them for half the price on Amazon. I know 5 years ago I wouldn't've even thought twice about the difference--price is king--but I enjoy going there on occasion, it's really well-maintained, every employee I've interacted with is caring and knows their stuff, and there are little hand-written notes and suggestions on the shelves that make it feel so homey. I know that as a consumer I have to vote with my wallet to say that I care enough about that to matter, but that also involves going outside. Blerf.

I relayed the mouse story to my father today on our father's day call. He laughed at me and told me I had to man up and it wouldn't've been so bad. As if I didn't know that <_<

As for the depression topic, thanks everyone for sharing their experiences. Last couple of days have put me in a bit of a dark mood but I'm cognizant of it and actively working against it. I slept a lot this weekend, and am moving to fully understand the problems that are holding me in place right now on projects I care about (namely fucking TkInter), taking control of the cleanliness situation in the apartment, and trying some new project-management techniques on my work projects. I'm also ramping up my work automation platform to try to take some load off myself in the longer term, but that's going to definitely take a few more stressful weekends to drag to completion. I know that working on my dating would also make me happy, but it's also a distracting force from 'higher' goals of reducing overall stress to make me a better candidate and partner. I have a timeline I'm putting into place to come back around to it, the deal being that I need to work on stuff that makes me better/more comfortable/confident in the meantime.

I find that the easiest ladder out of the pit is to pick something and work at it, especially something small. Something like "my kitchen is a mess, I will fill the drying rack with clean dishes today", then actually do it, and that momentum can then take you to other projects.
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Offline Syrup

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #932 on: June 18, 2017, 07:33:02 PM »
Goddammit, Syrup, I felt my loneliness become almost physical with that post. I seriously still feel queasy as I am trying to keep my lunch down.

>you hope it's not too late to find her

« Last Edit: June 18, 2017, 07:58:21 PM by Syrup »
Figuring people out is what I do, and I gave up trying to understand syrup a long time ago.


Offline Hekter

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #933 on: June 18, 2017, 08:12:37 PM »

Offline Hekter

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #934 on: June 18, 2017, 11:45:46 PM »
So, more fun neighborly interactions. (I swear, I've barely ever spoken to a single person in this complex before the last two weeks)

I came into our underground garage after another car, and we headed down the same route. The car ahead of me turned left, and then stopped.

Let's take a moment to back up here. My general feeling when driving is that I want to get the hell out of the way as soon as possible. When I first started driving it took me a long time to get used to people behind close behind me, as I would feel guilty and try to speed up to compensate. I've generally gotten over this, but in general it means that I tend to be a mix of overly-cautious (taking forever to pull out into traffic) and aggressive (once I start pulling out into traffic, I accelerate aggressively and try to get the hell out of dodge to match traffic around me, et-cetera). When I am taking longer than expected and someone is waiting on me, I try to come up with solutions that get the other car out of there as quickly as possible, which is sometimes hampered by their patience and my impatience for their patience. So when others try to show me the same courtesy, I take advantage of it. Of course the downside with cars is that you can't see what the hell the other person is doing if they're not signaling, but that's besides the point.

Anyway, so the car had turned left and stopped. There was an empty space on the left and I assumed they were trying to pull in there. There was enough space behind the car for me to scoot through, so I did. Figuring they hadn't turned correctly, and left space for me to squeak by while they figured out their error or whatever. No big deal. After I parked, however, I heard the driver walking over to me, and while standing like 20 feet away (it is astounding how far you can hear in a concrete garage) starts this exchange:

Him: " --- so impatient that ----"
Me: "I'm sorry?"
Him: "You were so impatient that you had to cut me off?"
Me: "I was just trying to sneak around you to give you space."
Him: "Yeah, whatever man. Not cool. Not cool. Not cool." **starts walking away**
Me: "I'm sorry."

What I can now surmise is that he turned left so that he could use his fancy backup camera to back into his spot, which I then ruined by scooting through that same bit of space. In retrospect I should have taken the other way around (the garage entrance is a bit of square) but then that makes me seem so impatient that I'd take a secondary route just to speed ahead of someone else if we meet each other on the other end. So, I can totally see how me trying to not be passive-aggressive ended up being completely-aggressive even though that wasn't my intent.

I'm telling you all about this because it happened almost two hours ago and my heart rate is still elevated talking about it. I had something similar thing happen a few months ago when I refused to let someone into my lane (it's complicated, I might have even mentioned it here) who rolled down their window to scream at me, and I clenched every time I went through that section of my daily commute for the next month.

Blarf. I really hate confrontation.

EDIT: So continuing to think about this, because of course, I realize that I've already accepted that I was in the wrong and resolved to not do that again (good) then internalized the other person's rage at me (bad) to then continue to beat myself up for doing it in the first place and then inadequately explaining myself (worse) when he confronted me which then brought up memories of other confrontations I've failed at (🛑) and now I'm probably infinitely more bothered by this than the guy who was pissed off about it in the first place. So, self-awareness win. Now to just... Have that stop the wheel I'm running on mentally.
« Last Edit: June 19, 2017, 12:07:41 AM by Hekter »

Offline Leopold II

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #935 on: June 19, 2017, 03:12:01 AM »
Have you heard of cognitive behavioral therapy? Just a suggestion for a different intervention from what your therapist probably does. There is self help books that might get you to be more concious of how scenarios like this can become a downward spiral of negative rumination.
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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #936 on: June 19, 2017, 03:52:00 AM »
I have the opposite reaction to confrontation, especially when it's the other person's idiotic fault for not properly indicating what they're doing. I don't know why there's this assumption that you've got nothing better to do than watch someone park. If you can get past them quickly then why not.
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Offline Oblige

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #937 on: June 19, 2017, 06:28:00 AM »
Have you heard of cognitive behavioral therapy? Just a suggestion for a different intervention from what your therapist probably does. There is self help books that might get you to be more concious of how scenarios like this can become a downward spiral of negative rumination.
CBT / DBT seems like it would be a good fit for Hekter.

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Offline Syrup

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #938 on: June 19, 2017, 06:32:59 AM »
Yeaaaahhh, I think any "girl-advice" we could give would be less effective than addressing the underlying social anxiety. If that was cleared up, I suspect you'd have an easier time with women as well.

It's tricky though -- it's a bit of a chicken and egg scenario. I don't remember which one I addressed first (I used to have similar feelings around social confrontation/uncertainty).

See, I think I sort of lucked out. If your depression gets bad enough, you truly don't care what other people think of you -- so you become weirdly confident due to outcome-independence, which helps other aspects of your life (read: women, social interactions).

Offline Carey

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #939 on: June 19, 2017, 08:43:35 AM »
See, I think I sort of lucked out. If your depression gets bad enough, you truly don't care what other people think of you -- so you become weirdly confident due to outcome-independence, which helps other aspects of your life (read: women, social interactions).

Don't aim for that. wtf. Focus on not being depressed, and instead be confident enough in yourself that you don't give a shit what other people think of you. That's where I'm at. 
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Offline Syrup

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #940 on: June 19, 2017, 09:14:08 AM »
Did I say to use it as an example?

>Focus on not being depressed and becoming confident, like me!

 ::)

Offline Hekter

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #941 on: June 19, 2017, 09:18:51 AM »
Have you heard of cognitive behavioral therapy? Just a suggestion for a different intervention from what your therapist probably does. There is self help books that might get you to be more concious of how scenarios like this can become a downward spiral of negative rumination.

I have, but only because Oblige has tried talking me into using some worksheets. I am naturally distrustful of whales, however, given the mercury content of seafood.

Yeaaaahhh, I think any "girl-advice" we could give would be less effective than addressing the underlying social anxiety. If that was cleared up, I suspect you'd have an easier time with women as well.

It's tricky though -- it's a bit of a chicken and egg scenario. I don't remember which one I addressed first (I used to have similar feelings around social confrontation/uncertainty).

See, I think I sort of lucked out. If your depression gets bad enough, you truly don't care what other people think of you -- so you become weirdly confident due to outcome-independence, which helps other aspects of your life (read: women, social interactions).

I am cognizant of the underlying problems, which is part of the reason I've been dragging my feet on really pushing myself in this arena. I've also been in that outcome-independence phase, and while it definitely has some short-term benefits, I wouldn't agree that it has longer-term ones. I found that once I reached that point, I made radically short-termed decisions that hurt me in the long run much more frequently. While I was able to get into a relationship at this phase, I ignored warning signs and ended up wasting both of our times with a relationship that had fundamental problems we were unwilling to address. Twice.

I'll take painful self-awareness over doing that to another person again. ._.

Offline Carey

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #942 on: June 19, 2017, 09:21:50 AM »
Did I say to use it as an example?

>Focus on not being depressed and becoming confident, like me!

 ::)

Why even mention that though?

Offline Oblige

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #943 on: June 19, 2017, 10:41:39 AM »
I have, but only because Oblige has tried talking me into using some worksheets. I am naturally distrustful of whales, however, given the mercury content of seafood.


Offline Elderon Zakath

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #944 on: June 19, 2017, 10:42:53 AM »
You beat yourself up too much, Hekter.  You should develop a "Don't give a damn" attitude.

You apologized to the man, that's the best you can do in that situation.  Don't think too much further than that.  No big accident happened, and he didn't signal whether he was backing up or not.  So you had no idea what he was planning to do.

You do you, don't worry about others too much.

When you start "correcting" yourself to accommodate others too much, you're not living your life.

Offline Kemal Ergenekon

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #945 on: June 19, 2017, 10:50:18 AM »
My advice is regular tequila shots.
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Offline Elderon Zakath

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #946 on: June 19, 2017, 10:54:29 AM »
My advice is regular tequila shots.

I second this.

I fucking love tequila.

Offline rainy sunday

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #947 on: June 19, 2017, 10:56:10 AM »
My advice is regular tequila shots.

I second this.

I fucking love tequila.

Are you both happy drunks?
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Offline Leopold II

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #948 on: June 19, 2017, 11:02:52 AM »
Cognitive behavioral therapy actually has proof that it works. The problem is following through on the workbooks.

It's like I know I should excercise intellectually to feel better but everything involved in following through on that idea doesn't happen right now.

If nothing else it's just a suggestion to ask your therapist about.

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #949 on: June 19, 2017, 11:06:44 AM »
My advice is regular tequila shots.

I second this.

I fucking love tequila.

Are you both happy drunks?

Have you not seen my wedding pictures?  I'm pretty smashed in them from drinking tequila (And other stuff, but mostly the tequila).

I'm always a happy, goofy drunk.  I can't drink when I'm depressed or sad.

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #950 on: June 19, 2017, 11:08:38 AM »
You beat yourself up too much, Hekter.  You should develop a "Don't give a damn" attitude.

You do you, don't worry about others too much.

When you start "correcting" yourself to accommodate others too much, you're not living your life.

Basically this.

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #951 on: June 19, 2017, 12:49:55 PM »
My advice is regular tequila shots.

I second this.

I fucking love tequila.

Are you both happy drunks?

I am a happy drunk. But I am not drunk ATM :/

Offline Sir Hypnotoad

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #952 on: June 19, 2017, 03:04:44 PM »
What kind of drunk is hekter?

Because I too am a happy drunk. Mensa trend?
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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #953 on: June 19, 2017, 03:16:59 PM »
CBT is really great, esp with anxiety. There are some manualized ways of doing CBT which I hate, but, again, which have proven results. I would definitely recommend looking into it. Sounds like you are doing more traditional psychotherapy which is interesting but definitely doesn't have as good a track record in fixing things.
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Offline Hekter

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #954 on: June 19, 2017, 03:30:39 PM »
What kind of drunk is hekter?

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CBT is really great, esp with anxiety. There are some manualized ways of doing CBT which I hate, but, again, which have proven results. I would definitely recommend looking into it. Sounds like you are doing more traditional psychotherapy which is interesting but definitely doesn't have as good a track record in fixing things.

It's definitely more venting then deconstructing, which then leads me to self-realize what's causing the thoughts in the first place, then tackling it through that awareness. This works for some things, and less so for others.

Offline Syrup

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #955 on: June 19, 2017, 04:05:26 PM »
Because I too am a happy drunk. Mensa trend?

I, too, am a happy drunk.

All that's left is to become a happy sober.

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #956 on: June 19, 2017, 05:17:59 PM »
Because I too am a happy drunk. Mensa trend?

I, too, am a happy drunk.

All that's left is to become a happy sober.

Don't let them fool you, Syrup. Anyone who is happy when sober is just secretly drunk.
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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #957 on: June 19, 2017, 06:16:06 PM »
You do you, don't worry about others too much.

When you start "correcting" yourself to accommodate others too much, you're not living your life.

Absolutely this.

I kind of have the same tendency you do, to over-compensate in attempt to avoid conflict and I know exactly what you mean when you say you're still on edge over it, though over the years I've gotten quite a lot better at chalking others up as just being assholes and even the rudest people rarely bother me.

Try to remember that you already go way further out of your way to be polite than anyone you know; if that isn't good enough for anyone then they're just assholes who are, in their own way, trying to compensate for their own insecurities.

As for driving, the solution I've found I liked best (when on the road, like your first example), is to smile and wave to people who get all road-ragey about whatever. I remember one time I pulled onto the highway a bit too late and some guy had to slow way down. Of course, he really didn't *have* to, since the other lane was open and there wasn't any traffic. It was my bad but not enough to really justify the few miles he drove along side of me giving me the finger, literally as hard as he could, and shouting 'FUCK YOU!!!' at my window.

I just sat there smiling and waving at him so long that it legitimately became just funny and I started laughing at him. That made him angrier and that just made it even funnier.

In general, I've found it's helped me a lot to respond to people's rude or aggressive behavior by not letting them trick me into forgetting who I am and respond to them with genuine kindness. It give me perspective on the pettiness of the conflict and afford them the same oppurtunity. If they're still bent out of shape, then it only reinforces to me that, yep, I'm the nice person and they're the shitbag.
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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #958 on: June 19, 2017, 06:27:16 PM »
Because I too am a happy drunk. Mensa trend?

I, too, am a happy drunk.

All that's left is to become a happy sober.

Lately I've been Ana angry drunk idk tho. I used to be the happiest of drunks tho.


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Offline Hekter

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Re: Hekter's Impending Earthquake Death Thread
« Reply #959 on: June 19, 2017, 07:52:20 PM »
In general, I've found it's helped me a lot to respond to people's rude or aggressive behavior by not letting them trick me into forgetting who I am and respond to them with genuine kindness. It give me perspective on the pettiness of the conflict and afford them the same oppurtunity. If they're still bent out of shape, then it only reinforces to me that, yep, I'm the nice person and they're the shitbag.

I guess I'm trying to do this, but my self-flagellation kicks in way too quickly to really let it take hold. If I am in the wrong (like I was here) it's much worse, whereas if I'm in clearly in the right it's a lot less painful. I like your examples, though, and it's definitely something I am striving towards.

That said, this stupid situation basically ruined most of my day. It was a constant distraction, replaying it over and over in the back of my head. I was able to get away from it somewhat blasting Love Like You on repeat in my earbuds and doing some processing layout, but it still sucked.